2011. Meh.
There were a lot of ups and downs this year. I think they’ve cancelled each other out. For starters, I realized early on that I was in a relationship with someone I can’t get along with, save for a few trivial hobbies I learned to tolerate for his sake. I ended that, and sunk into a season of grieving. During this time, I was oblivious to the advances of someone who saw a dying relationship and decided to step into the picture. Buwitre, is what he was called.
In that state of oblivion, I spent more time with someone I learned to be good friends with. I enjoyed his company, and the company of his friends who in turn turned into my friends. I got high, I was broke, but for some reason, they kept me sane. I became happy with them, and in times when I just wanted to stay home and cry my eyes out, they’d be the only company to coax me to go out. They’re good people, though misunderstood.
Later on, I dated someone. I’m not so sure why I became agreeable to his advances. A part of me still thinks it’s because of the loneliness. Another part tells me it was because he was a genuine catch. But early on, I figured this would end badly for me. I went right ahead and got myself involved. It was good, for a time. He was good to me, and I liked his company. A little more than a month went by, and I was still in bliss. I do admit, I wasn’t entirely faithful. But he didn’t need to know about that. I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew and looked the other way. Though, if you’re reading this, well now at least you know for sure. Sorry.
Then came the downward spiral. I saw this one coming. I had an accident, one I never thought I’d have. EVER. Worse yet, I travelled to Hong Kong, Australia and New Zealand to just get away from it all. That was when I knew that the moment I came home this whole thing with him would end. He was okay for a time, and then when I told him about my accident, we parted ways.
Or so I thought. We continued to see each other. But it wasn’t to rekindle a fire that fizzled out; that fire had died a long time ago. It was a matter of convenience. I needed something constant to hold on to, and it was my mistake for thinking he’d be constant. Then one night, I walked out. Literally. I didn’t go back, and I didn’t want to. I left and straightened my life out. I got a job I loved with people I adore and I became happy. I missed him, from time to time. But I figured it’s not worth my time. I got over it in a month, and did my job as well as I could.
Towards the end of the year, I became happier as a person. I wasn’t deliriously happy, but I was satisfied with the way things were going. I had friends, I had my family, I had money, and I felt productive. I still think of the men who made my year the way it was: the boy I left, the man who picked me up at my worst, and the man who… I can’t even put a label on him. I’ll just refer to him as Tweet. My dear, sweet, ever-so constant Tweet.
And now here I am. I’m 23 with a job I love, with friends I love, with a family I love, with a crush on a boy. Fuck knows what this year will be like. But I’m sincerely hoping the fun parts of 2009, the peace of 2010 and the excitement of 2011 would all come together to make an epic 2012. Happy new year :)
